Western men are increasingly looking for love in Asia. Of all the Asian countries, the Philippines is being seen as a great place to find an Asian wife. As somebody who’s had relationships with a number of Asian women, I can say that one of the hardest things is to maintain a long distance relationship. So whether you’re a man or a woman, here are some tips I have for maintaining that long distance relationship…
Keep in Daily Contact
When you love somebody you always want to know that they’re OK. Even if you’re busy, it’s good to send your loved one a quick message. Drop a 2 line email, send a quick text message. Just don’t let them wonder what’s happened to you. A girl I once dated used to regularly disappear for a whole week. I used to feel sadder and sadder each day, and I craved just a one line SMS message from her.
By the way, I’ve now learned that if a lady doesn’t keep in daily contact with you, then she probably isn’t in love with you and your relationship might not be as healthy as you think. Of course not all Asian ladies have daily access to a mobile phone or the internet, but take lack of contact as a clue to her feelings about you.
Make That Visit!
Long distance relationships can only be maintained for so long. If you haven’t yet met your loved one, then the ultimate aim should be to go and visit them. Many men and women using internet dating know that internet love isn’t real. If you’re a man then you should really aim to meet a Filipina you’ve been chatting to within 6 months of first talking to her. If you’re an Asian lady yourself then you need to look for commitment from the man. If he spends months and months talking and doesn’t make that visit, then you need to question his commitment.
If you’ve already visited your lady, then make sure you have a mutual goal you can both work towards. Whether it’s visiting her again, or applying for a fiancé or marriage visa, time passes more quickly if there’s a definitive goal to look forward to.
Send Small Gifts
A great way of keeping the relationship alive is to surprise your loved one with some gifts. A word of advice here – don’t get into the business of sending money to Asian ladies, however much you love her! Also don’t send valuable items in the post to the Philippines.
I once lost an expensive pair of gold earrings to the Chinese postal system. For months I’d been successfully sending small gifts to my loved one, but when I came to sending a more valuable gift, it ended up getting stolen or something.
A few dating sites like Asian Beauties allow you to send gifts and flowers directly to your loved one. However, I recommend you do you own gift sending. For one thing it’s much cheaper. For another, you can make the gift truly personal by including love letters and photos.
Good gifts to send are chocolates and other edibles, as well as stuffed animals. If you’re sending food it’s best to stick to things that won’t arouse suspicion in customs offices – avoid meat, fruit or dairy products. Chocolates or biscuits are usually fine. Swiss chocolates are a good choice, as well as chocolates that can be shared with friends and family. I’ve heard that Toblerone bars are especially sought after in the Philippines!
Stay in Your Cave
Experience has told me that many people are suspicious of long distance relationships, and even more suspicious of Asian girlfriends. Really I’ve found it much better to keep things to myself as far as relationships are concerned. If you have problems then try to work them out between you and your lady. Relationship advice books and websites can help, but again be wary of asking for relationship advice online, as sharing details of your relationships with others is not always a good thing to do.
As far as my relationships go I’ve now withdrawn from life. I tell my family and friends very little about the Asian girls I’ve been chatting to, and I no longer share photos on Facebook or anywhere else.
Share Your Life
Always tell your partner what you’re doing in your life, even if it’s mundane and boring. A good tip here is to take a camera everywhere you go. Even if it’s just to the local mall, then take a couple of photos to show your loved one how you’ve passed your day. This also helps with paranoia – it’s great to demonstrate that you’re on your own, and aren’t dating somebody in your own city while talking to somebody else online.
If you’re dating a Filipina girl, then ask her if she’s on Facebook. Facebook is popular in the Philippines, and this can be a good way to share your life.
So don’t worry about what other people think. Long distance relationships can work, but you need to put in a bit more thought than you would with a relationship with somebody who lives in the same city as you do.